goodbye to sleep

Posts tagged this is kel

I’ve spent all these years looking for somewhere to call home, where I could wrap myself cozy-warm in security and let the teeming unsureness inside of me sit quiet. I’ve looked for it in the bottom of bottles, under autumn leaf-fall, in the press of bodies and music in a smoky crowded venue, between the lines of a thousand books. Home is the freckles on your shoulders, the curve of hip, the point of nose; home is your hand tucked under your chin as you read, your toes hooked around mine as I’m falling asleep; home is this bed with the rain pouring down and a book in my hand and you sleeping with your head on my shoulder. ‘Home is where the heart is’ is so unbelievably cliche, but cliche isn’t synonymous for wrong.

Sometimes I’m not sure if I fell in love with you so incredibly fast or if it took me way too long to make my way down that road.

I’m pretty amazed either way.

The trouble with bus travel is that getting home takes a bleeding eternity. Still got to make it through Oklahoma, a smidge of Texas, New Mexico and Arizona. All I want to do is get home, eat a burrito, take a shower and cuddle my boy for approximately sixteen straight hours. Come on, Greyhound, get me home.

Three days on the bus and I’m so close to my kids I can feel it. Come on, Greyhound, don’t let me down now.

As of tomorrow, I will be sans interwebs til the 5th of November. I’m off on my annual Epic Greyhound Journey Across the Southern United States, journeying from Southern California to Norfolk, Virginia. I’ll be spending three days on a bus each way, with fifteen days spent enjoying autumn with a few dear dear friends. The queue is all set up, so I’ll still be active, technically, and if I end up on a bus with wifi I may post some photos from the road. 

Stay safe and happy, lovebugs. 

maybe i’m just lonely.

I’m in sort of a weird spot, emotionally. 
I’m actually not sure at all how I feel about most of what is going on with me, except that I’m going to Virginia three weeks from Monday and that’s awesome, and I’m going to a Viking Festival on Saturday and that’s also awesome.

Aside from that? 
I think I’m a little lonely. I’m a lot of confused. The inside of my head is paint swirling in water. There’s a lot of color there and a lot of chaos and a lot of beauty too. 

I could use a friend that won’t judge me. 

I’m missing things that I never had and sad for things that left me years ago. Autumn, for being my favorite season you’re doing a bang-up job at messing with my head. 

I think I’ll just sing me some songs and try to ignore the cacophony. Only thing to do right now, I suppose. 

This whole last week has been such a mix of horrifying and lovely, devastating and joyful all at once. 
It’s nothing I can talk about. Not really. But I’m feeling very…strange and I don’t know what to do with myself.